I Need a Break

First day of school and I’m already getting notes from my Dylan’s teacher saying that he is not listening.  Well, of course he is not!  He is a boy!  A few days later, it’s back to work for me.  It’s Monday morning and I can’t find a parking spot near my office.  So I have to walk a significant distance with a bag full of books in one hand, and an oversized purse and my lunch bag in the other one while wearing uncomfortable shoes.  I finally make it to my first class, and the computer doesn’t work.  My next two classes are packed full of first level students who have no interest in learning Spanish other than, “it’s required,” which isn’t the greatest motivator. 

My stomach is unsettled and my brain is racing.  I need a break.  I go for an unhealthy drink at the vending machine to find out that the price has gone up!  I eat lunch on the go, finish up my last class and run to the distant parking spot where I left my car.  By the time I get there, I have ruptured blisters on both my feet.  A forty minute drive later I’m home to get my boys off the bus.  Then, I find out that my little one decided to forget what triangles and rectangles are.  I spent all afternoon working on shapes, and arguing with my too-smart-for-his-own-good older son about how for a number to be in the millions, it needs to have at least 7 digits! 

“Why didn’t you guys eat your lunches?”  “Well, I didn’t like that sandwich you packed,” says one, and the other one tells me, “I didn’t have time to finish.”  I need a break.  I send them both outside and then realize that it is almost six o’clock and I haven’t even started dinner.  My husband comes home and I send him outside too.  “Go practice shapes with Dylan!” I yell as he gladly goes out the door again.

It seems like dinner is going to happen after all; then I catch a glimpse of the pile of clean clothes downstairs already mixing in with its dirty counterpart.  At some point I also have to iron shirts and clean, at least the bathroom.  After dinner the kids have some time to play and relax while I start preparing my lessons for tomorrow.  Soon it’s time for baths.  Bedtime is here, at last!  “Be quiet while I read…do you not want me to read this book?”  “I can’t sleep.  It’s too hot.  Can you stay here a minute.”  I need a break, so I do stay.  I lay down on my older son’s bed and I snooze for a few minutes. 

After the boys are out, I get up and finish my lessons.   My hair is a mess.  I need a haircut really bad.  Where did I put that piece of paper?  “Mama, can I have some chocolate milk?”  “No!  All the cups are dirty.”  Whine, whine, and whine some more until there is silence, blessed silence.  Finally I get a few minutes to talk to my husband.  Bad idea, since a simple question ends up turning into a brain-twister of grave proportions.  My brain is fried.  I need a break.  I go to bed to wake up and do it all over again, tomorrow.

There are stages, seasons of life in which it becomes very hard to remember what the Word says about not letting stress take away our peace.  The season of parenting young children is one of them, but there are many others.  Every season brings with itself its own stress.  The season of worrying about aging parents and how to best care for them, for example, is another highly stressful and gut-wrenching one, as I’ve lately discovered.  There is also the season when we have to deal with our own aging and our own transitions.  There is the season of new beginnings, such as adjusting to married life, or to an empty house, or to a house full of teenagers or infants, or to a new job or to a lack of thereof. 

It’s all so very hard.  What are we to do?  Well, all I know to do is to dwell in His Word and cling to His promises for dear life.  One thing I am thinking about doing, but haven’t had time to do yet is to pull out several verses from Scripture that pertain to not being anxious, and keep them handy for when I forget.  One that will certainly top the list, once I get to it, is Philippians 4:6-7:  ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I want that peace that “transcends all understanding.”  What can I do to get it?  I can present my requests to God in prayer and petition with thanksgiving.  I praise Him, for He is worthy of all our praise and worship.  I ask Him in faith.  And I give Him thanks.  I recount His many blessings on me, and I thank Him for He has been faithful in my life; and He who has been faithful, will be faithful again, and again. 

Jesus Himself told us that He has given us His Word so we can have peace.  He said in John 16:33:  ³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  And as we have already realized, we will have trouble indeed; but the one thing we need to realize also is that our faith is in Him, and He is the One and Only who has overcome the world. 

May the words of Paul to the Colossians in chapter 3:15, ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful, be our exhortation to strive for a life filled with the peace of our Lord and Savior.

Staying True to Him

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Paul wrote this final exhortation to his beloved people of Philippi as a way to encourage them toward unity and lead them on the road to righteousness as they witness and modeled Christianity to the world.  I figure that the words apply to all of us today too; particularly to those of us who have answered the call to write for Him.  As Christian bloggers we are in the field, ministering to God’s children and as such, we are responsible for our actions and for the paths we chose for ourselves and for those who follow us. Therefore, Paul’s exhortation is particularly valid for us today.  His tall order becomes real to us every day as we face decisions and options for our ministry.

I would like resolve today that, particularly, when deciding on my message, that I will keep Philippians 4: 8 in mind as a way to test my inspiration and to corroborate that I’m presenting the exact representation of what the Holy Spirit wants to transmit through me.  As a Sacred Check List, I will go through it to fact check my thoughts:

-Is it true?

-Is it noble?

-Is it right?

-Is it pure?

-Is it lovely?

-Are my meditations about something really admirable that is going to result in the uncovering of excellence and capable of provoking something praiseworthy?

If the answer to any of these items happens to be no, that should be enough for me to go back to the praying room, ask for guidance and wisdom as I discard the idea, rework the thoughts and rethink the message.  Staying true to Christ through my posts will only remain a reality if I stay true to prayer.  Invoking the help of the Holy Spirit each and every time I sit in front of the computer for Him to shower me with His Holy inspiration is the only way I would carry out my mission as a Christian blogger in a manner that honors Him, who enables me and who sends me.

I want to surround myself with all things good.  I want to think about such things as I live my life and as I blog for Him.

Things I Forgot...

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 19

Lately, my routine has been a bit altered. Rather than jumping out of bed early in the morning and rushing around the house in a frantic effort to accomplish as much as possible in a day that always seems to slip away; now I am forced to begin my days at a much slower pace. Due to a recent surgery, I’ve been waking up later than usual and by the time I get “going” with my “activities” the morning is almost over.

The first week after my surgery, my dear husband was home taking care of our sons and of everything, really, while I just enjoyed freedom to do as I pleased (mostly spend time at my computer with my feet up). Yesterday was the first day he went back to work and I found myself alone in the house with my boys. I have to say the night before I was dreading morning. I was very nervous thinking that I would not be able to do what I had to do by myself. “My sons are so clueless. They won’t be able to help me!” was my recurrent thought. “We’re not going to survive!” “What if something happens? I can’t drive!” “How are we going to make it?” Today, I feel ashamed.

I allowed my soul to become anxious and distraught. I let my heart wander away from faith. I took my eyes off of Christ. I forgot the formula to peace:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6-7

I forgot to pray. As I contemplated my days without my husband home to take care of things I fretted instead of consulting with my Lord. I didn’t ask Him, the sustainer and strength of my life, to guide me and make His presence known in me as I walk on the scary waters of getting back on my feet again.

I forgot to be thankful. My mind wandered to the myriad of things I am not able to do and I forgot to thank God for all the things I AM able to do. I concentrated on the “unfortunate event” of my husband having to return to work rather than appreciating the very rare fact that he was able to be home for a whole week! (let alone thanking God for the fact that he has a job to go back to!)

I forgot to breathe in the peace of His provision. I forgot that He is the God who can do the impossible. I forgot to present my requests.  I forgot to trust Him.

As the day progressed, I moved around the house slowly and relied on my 10-year old son to do some laundry, water plants and lift heavy things for me. My 6-year old read a couple of stories on his own, got his own snacks while lovingly reminding me throughout the day, “Mama, remember what the doctor said, you can’t lift heavy things and can’t bend on your belly.” All these sprinkled with some TV watching, naps, and gentle hugs from my sweet boys.

At the end of the day I looked back and saw that it wasn’t as perfect as the days when Daddy was here taking care of things. We stayed in our PJs all day and ate bacon, tomatoes and cupcakes for lunch. But the Lord did provide everything we needed, including an extra portion of patience for me, and we survived.

I’m sure the boys are glad Daddy is back, though; perhaps now they can have a decent meal for dinner. : )

Always Rejoice!

Current health issues I face, seasoned with an ever-nagging feeling of inadequacy and self-doubt, found me inadvertently sinking into the quick sand of worry.  I have always struggled with worry.  People who know me well say that they don’t worry because they know I’ll do it for them.  I’m not proud of it, but that’s what I do…I worry.

The flip side of my “condition” is that I have seen and experienced first-hand the Holy Spirit working in me through the years in amazing ways.  He has walked with me through many fires and showed me that as long as I stick by Him, He will rescue me and deliver me unharmed.  The Lord in His majesty has been patiently teaching me that worry is just a sovereign waste of time and energy which could be otherwise employed in a more efficient manner (let alone a huge sign of my lack of faith!).

Through several trials that range from infertility and family disunity to chronic illness of loved ones and career dissatisfaction, Our Heavenly Healer and Redeemer has carried me to the other side of anguish to the calm shore of peace, time after time.  With love, He constantly reminds me that He is in control and that no matter what; He will take care of me and my beloved today as He has done in the past and will do in the future.

Though I have never heard the audible voice of God, He speaks to me in His Word.  He directs me to passages that contain exactly what I need to hear.  That’s how I landed on Philippians 4: 4 where Paul commands us to rejoice always, not just sometimes or when things are going well and we feel happy.  He says, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to “Rejoice in the Lord always.”  And in case we missed it or didn’t understand it, he repeats it again in the same verse:  “I will say it again, Rejoice!”

In days like these, when things don’t seem to go my way, I go back to this verse and let the energy of the Holy Spirit inject me with His sustaining breath of life and remind me that, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." (Habakkuk 3: 17-18) For He is Faithful and I know that He is who He says He is and that He will do all He promised and that I am His child and He loves me, therefore He will not forsake me. He is my Redeemer and He lives! He is the same today as He was yesterday and He will be tomorrow.

I will not let my circumstances cast a dark shadow over me. I will call on the power of He who lives in me to chase the darkness away and wipe the tears off my face. It is a difficult thing to do, particularly when immersed in the depths of a drowning sea of problems, worries, difficulties, negativity, despair, and fear; but it is not impossible if I relay on the Lord. If I depend on my own strength, yes, I am done, but I do not! I rest on the strength of He whose power is made perfect in my weakness. He grace IS, indeed sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12: 9)

I will have other days when I see the gathering of the dark clouds in the horizon heading toward me. It is inevitable. I will probably feel the sting of worry pock me like a needle, but I will not allow it to make me turn my face away from my Lord! Empowered by the Holy Spirit, I will let His loving hand guide me to a place of rest and quiet. He will take me to a place where I can pause and tune in to His Word and pray for a keen awareness of His presence. His presence will then carry me through all my trials and fires to the other side where Mercy waits for me with open arms.

Lesson from the Ants

19 Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21 To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. 23 I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. 1 Corinthians 9: 19-24

My favorite place to write in the summer is sitting in my old chair outside in the back patio.  From that spot, I can take a break and look up to see my two sons playing in the care-free summer afternoons.  I can also see the multitude of ants (to my husband’s dismay) that walk about the concrete floor in defiance of Dan’s constant attack on them.  No matter what that man tries, the ants don’t stop their march.  They are relentless (and so is heJ )

The ants, however, make me think of perseverance.  They are not deterred by anything.  I have to give them credit.  They sure are the poster child for the “never give up” slogan.  I wonder if they ever think of quitting?  As they march on, carrying their tiny piece of food on their backs, I wonder if they are aware of their contribution to the colony?  I wonder if they realize that the small crumb they so faithfully transport on their backs will mean survival during the harsh winter months to come?  I wonder if they comprehend the importance of that seemingly insignificant crumb they carry, through the battlefield of our patio, to the rest of his brothers and sisters?

As a Christian blogger I’d like to learn from these ants.  I’d like to learn the meaning of perseverance and to never quit.  I’d like to absorb their resolve in the midst of adversity and join Paul when in his call in Galatians 6:9 when he says:  And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Even if I don’t see the fruit of my work and perseverance, I won’t give up.  Even if I only have a hand-full of followers in my blog, I won’t give up. Even if My page-view and other statistics are low, I won’t give up.  Even if I never get any RTs or #FFs, I won’t give up for I blog for Him.  It is His ministry and my call is to do it.  He will do the rest.  He will do with it and take it to whatever hights He desires and He plans.  Even if I reach just one person for Him, it will be worth it.  The funny thing is that sometimes that one person that gets touched is me.  Yes, sometimes the Lord’s purpose is to reach into my very own heart and touch me through the time I spend with Him, meditating on His Word as I type away on this electronic pages that no one else might see.  Sometimes that is His purpose for my effort, so I cannot give up.  As long as I am reaching at least one, I must go on, and I know there is always one, even if it is just the one in front of the screen.

I will continue to carry my little crumb around for I know who I carry it for.  I know that even though it is a very small crumb it is the crumb that has been assigned to me and I must carry it with dignity and a sense of accomplishment. 

Insignificant in the eyes of the world, perhaps so, but not in the eyes of My Lord.

Am I Someone Worth Dying For?

Once again, the whisperings of the Holy Spirit came to me while listening to a Christian song.  This time, the song was “Someone Worth Dying For” by the band Mikeschair.  As you can very well guess, the song is about finding your worth in Christ.  The title of this song immediately suggests the question…am I really someone worth dying for? In my mind, I tend to think that there are those who are definitively worth the price that Christ paid, but certainly I’m not among them.  Why would a perfect God love me so much that He’d send his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  (John 3:16)   There is nothing in me worth loving, let alone loving to the point of sacrifice.

Well, the truth is that nobody is worth the sacred blood of the Perfect Lamb of God.  Not even one.  And this is the core of what makes God’s love for us so unfathomable, that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)  This is the extend of the Grace of God, that even though nobody deserves His sacrifice, He did it anyway, for He is Love and Mercy is His nature.

Nothing compares to His love and nothing we do would ever make us worthy of Him.  Our worth is in Him.  It is by Him that we are made righteous.  “He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” (Romans 4:25)  Any good in us comes from Him who justifies us.  That is why we walk in humility; because we had no part in making ourselves worthy of Him.  It is not by what we do, but by what He has already done, that we walk among the saved, and we count ourselves as part of His flock.  That’s why I sing, “Jesus help me believe that, [in You] I am someone worth dying for.”

1 The fool says in his heart,

   “There is no God.”

They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;

   there is no one who does good.

 2 The LORD looks down from heaven

   on all mankind

to see if there are any who understand,

   any who seek God.

3 All have turned away, all have become corrupt;

   there is no one who does good,

   not even one.   Psalm 14:1-3

Fill It Up God

One of the many joys of small-town-country living in Western Pennsylvania is that with fall it comes a season of  melancholic beauty, colorful leaves (which could also be a curse…depending on who you ask : ) and my favorite, a myriad of festivals all around, almost every weekend from September to Thanksgiving.  As it happened, we just had our township festival a few days ago.  Of course, there was a parade, which we had the blessing to have pass by right in front of our house.  At around 10:00 a.m. on Saturday, we armed ourselves with sweatshirts and baseball hats to cover up our pjs. and our morning hair, and down the driveway we went.  Grandma stopped by and encouraged the kids to get bags to collect the bounty of candy that was about to start pouring out the windows of the various vehicles in the parade.  My little Dylan grabbed his bag, opened it wide in his outstretched arms, took a deep breath, closed his eyes, looked upwards and said:  “fill it up God!”

There were basically two ways to react to this.  One way was to look at him, laugh, and think to yourself, “what a big bum,” which was exactly what I did.  The other way was to see it from a whole other perspective, and exclaim with a sigh, “o the faith of a child.”

I have to admit that it has taken me till now to see it the second way.  I think it is, perhaps, because my faith is certainly not like that of a 5 year old.  I have become cynical and too dependent on my own means for provision.  I worry too much about tomorrow and I keep my “bag” tightly closed so nothing can get out of it.  But then, I started thinking about what I heard a while back on the radio… “what if we live our lives with open hands, that way, God can take away whatever He wants to take away, but He would also put in there more than we can ever imagine.”  What if I were to leave my “bag” wide open for Him to take away the heavy burdens that weigh me down, and replace them with His immeasurable treasures, which I would otherwise miss, if I were to keep it vacuum-sealed?  Maybe this is something I need to put into practice more intentionally.  Maybe that’s the secret to a more content life.  Maybe this is something to think about…

In the end, you can guess, Dylan’s bag did get filled up with goodies, which now I have to ration and hide.  But I am grateful that I have been able to understand the reminder of the joy of the Lord’s faithfulness and generous provision, which brings smiles to my face like sweet treats in a crisp fall small-town day.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

and naked I will depart

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised.”

                                                      Job 1:20-21